I’m not normally one for grand resolutions as I full-heartedly believe most of us fail at keeping our resolutions because we make them too limiting. According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, only 46% of people who made New Year’s resolutions were successful. Not being one to set myself up for failure, I usually opt to make manageable lifestyle changes throughout the year. I work out often, I eat moderately well save for my love of chips and salsa and propensity to imbibe in slightly more than the doctor-recommended one glass of red wine per day. Honestly, who has just one? I feel pretty good about my physical health though. I mean, I had 16% body fat at one point this year and I don’t know what it is right now after a few too many servings of tamales, but I am pretty fit for a 30-something mom of two.
When it comes to physical health, there’s always room for improvement, but I’ll put a check there under ‘winning’ and admit something that’s sadly still a little taboo. I struggle with my mental health. I’ve had anxiety and sometimes even depression ever since I can remember. After I lost my mom, my anxiety got worse and I had a hard time feeling happy. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy because she was gone. I’d use what little money I earned as a server to go shopping and that would make me feel better for a little bit. I’ve also had post-partum symptoms after both pregnancies. I got on anti-depressants and went to therapy after both births… and also shopped. I never really looked at shopping as an issue that needed to be fixed as I never got into crazy debt or hurt anyone, but I felt really drawn to make a change after reading about the mental clarity another woman found when she gave up shopping for a year. So I did it; no shopping for one year. Here’s what I learned.
1. Being well-heeled doesn’t change anything. Buying something nice always gave me a sense of accomplishment. A new pair of designer shoes was like a trophy to show the outside world I was killing it by my standards. Humble beginnings may be part of that in a ‘being able to afford a few nice things = success’ sort of way. As you may expect, the beautiful YSL heels I bought with my first unexpected bonus at work didn’t make me any happier and I sold them at a fraction of their purchase price after having worn them less than half a dozen times because they were quite impractical. I read a quote the other day that sums up how I feel about showcasing accomplishment through things now; Will Rogers said, “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.” Avoiding that pitfall is so important to mental health.
2. The novelty wears off quickly. Once the buyer’s high wears off, you’re left feeling the exact same way you felt before until you make another unnecessary purchase. No precious memories or epiphanies are had, your legacy doesn’t get any stronger when you buy a stunning new dress for a party just ephemeral dopamine highs and maybe a few good Instagram photos. Your brain likes this high so you’re likely to act out on these material cravings over and over again even if you can rationalize that you don’t in-fact ‘need’ that.
3. You save so much f-ing money. It’s hard to track exactly what I saved because I wasn’t adding all the things I was tempted to buy to an excel spreadsheet (I wish I had). Going off my clothing budget for previous years, I saved about $5k which is huge for my family as we’re trying to buy a house in LA and that’s an overwhelmingly large financial obligation. Honestly, I think next year we will able too and I feel great that me not popping tags has helped slightly.
4. Desires are fleeting. As a lifestyle blogger, I follow loads of other creators and influencers. They’re my friends, colleagues, my inspiration and they dress at least 57% better than me (stats I made up based on how often I covet their outfits). As I scroll through their feeds, I see a smoking hot blouse or a pair of sneakers I just know would make me feel amazing and instead of ‘add to cart’ I have to put the damn phone down and do something else. Guess what… a day or two goes by and I’ve completely forgotten what I thought I needed.
5. Google knows like, everything about you. I used to work at Google so I should freaking know, but not shopping drove home the realization that Google searches us as much as we search it. I don’t think any of it (I mean zero, friends) is malicious, but they can offer the best products and services because they have the best data. Email sent to husband about fancy sneakers I really hope to get for my birthday results in no less than 28 ads for said sneakers. Google, the ads worked! I got them for Christmas. Thank goodness because my old sneakers had holes in them…but you probably knew that.
6. Productivity will skyrocket. I used to spend my daughter’s swim lesson time scrolling through email and inevitably shopping the extra 30% off Anthropologie sale because damn, that’s a good freaking deal, right? Now I watch her and it’s been stinking great for our relationship or I’ll spend time doing something advantageous like sending pitch emails or writing a new post.
7. People will judge the eff out of you. Things I’ve actually heard this year:
- “You still have 50% more clothes than I do.”
- “You’re not shopping so you can get XYZ if you want.”
- “Does your husband just buy you gifts all the time?”
I have no idea why, but some people seem to want to minimize your journey. Here are my rebuttals in case you decide to not shop and are met with criticism.
1. “You still have 50% more clothes than I do.”
I do still have a lot of clothes… more than I need and I feel so privileged to be able to say that, but my intentions right now are not about being a minimalist. I’m just trying to change my behavior.
2. “You’re not shopping so you can get XYZ if you want.”.
Yes, of course! That’s the point. Do you want anything? It is YOURS! You don’t need to waste time or even money on it if you choose not to and that is all I am doing. Whatever you want can be yours. I can totally get other things I want and have justified things like personal training sessions because I am not shopping and don’t regret that at all. I haven’t always been in a tit-for-tat situation. We were hand to mouth for so long that it’s liberating to consciously decide what we are spending money on. I remember crying when I bought maternity jeans in 2011 (one pair!) because it seemed frivolous even though I absolutely needed jeans for work. Since we haven’t always had disposable income, it was fun for a bit to decide ‘I want personal training sessions and know where I could pull that money from. Totally worth it too.
3. “Does your husband just buy you gifts all the time?”
OMG no. I wish, but no. He is probably the most thrilled that I have kept this up and has actually been super helpful in reminding me why I started. He did get me a pair of sneakers for my birthday and another pair for Christmas as well as a souvenir tee-shirt in Maui, but much to my dismay, I couldn’t just send him links to things I wanted and have them magically appear. That would totally defeat the purpose and if he knew how much the bags I like cost, he’d probably throw up. So I don’t own them or pine for them.
If you’re thinking about not shopping, I couldn’t recommend it enough. It’s been liberating and challenging at the same time. From difficulty comes growth so don’t discount it the growth is so worth it, just give it a try for 30 days and see how you feel. I’m going to keep up some version of this next year too, but miiiight get a new bag as a gift for myself becuase Gunnar was potty trained this year and I still carry the diaper bag.
